While I was sitting in the court room, bored and also on edge and waiting for my name to be called, I realized something I hadn’t really thought about before:
Changing my name is my entire transition.
As a non-medical transperson, I don’t think of myself as really having steps or a process to my transition. I don’t think of myself as really in transition, though I do think of myself as having had a transition. I really thought of it as this sort of amorphous, some-what ongoing, but also somewhat never-really-having-happened thing. I mean, I started out with some questions and I mostly answered them the best way I knew how and I’m always figuring out more efficient, realistic, honest ways to answer them, and that’s been what I call my gender exploration. I’ve totally changed from who I was, so in that way I call it transition, but usually I just stick with exploration. I talk about the early stages and the more recent stages, but never really the beginning or the end.
But changing my name is a concrete, not-particularly-reversible step in transition, and it is the only one of its kind that I plan on taking.
So…. on Thursday, I will be done transitioning (I mean, add some time for all my ID changes to come through, but still). Trippy, right?