The big, big, very large, rather huge, enormous difference between "no one would choose to be trans/queer" and "no one would choose to feel/be treated like shit"
The rhetoric of born-this-way and who-would-choose-this is making a heavy comeback in the trans and queer discourse I’ve been seeing lately. I just want to remind people that lots and lots and lots of queer and trans folks are having a hard time right now, or have had a hard time at points in their lives, either because they are struggling with their own denial and self-hatred or because there are people in their lives who refuse to support them. Almost all of the people I have ever met are just trying to figure out how to live in a way that will bring them most the most happiness; it is clear to me that folks who come out into hostile environments do so in the hope that living truthfully will be rewarding enough to get them through whatever hardships come as a consequence. They would undoubtedly prefer that such adverse conditions not get in the way of their happiness. That is the part that no one would choose.
I hope we can all agree, though, that in the absence of other people’s negative contributions, being queer or trans is not intrinsically painful. Yes, for many people there is pain associated with their transness in the form of dysphoria, misgendering, or a feeling of perpetually waiting to be oneself, but these are not necessary components for transness, many of them can eventually be alleviated for a lot of people, and individuals experience them in different ways to differing extents—some not at all. Many people also derive a lot of joy from their transness in the form of added perspective, a heightened sense of self, community, and even less “legitimate” ways like knowing that you are different from many of the people around you. People are trans for a lot of different reasons. Many folks do not choose to be trans, but some do (or if they had had the choice they would have chosen it), and there’s no reason not to.
